Note to self: never consume caffeine again.

JESUS FUCKING SHIT.

Sometimes I get conceited.

HAHAHAHAHA.

I hate my alarm clock and all alarm clocks everywhere.

To the girl who spent the entire 3 hour class sniffing the snot back up into her nose instead of just blowing it, I HATE YOU.

I am simultaneously the most optimistic and pessimistic person I know.

People with emotions confuse me.

Morning Alanna absolutely despises Night Alanna.

There is nothing I find more terrifying or disturbing than my own subconsciousness.

And don't think I'm not talking to you. You are EXACTLY the person I'm talking to.

Your cologne makes me want to punch you, then throw up on you, and then punch you again.

I hope that the people in the home hardware commercials know how much I hate them.

Seriously, I know that it is just a job, but it does not lessen my hatred.

blargh

I raped that midterm so hard that it is in the shower somewhere scrubbing itself, but it will never feel clean again.

woooooOOOOOOooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo shut the fuck up!

Am I the only one under the impression that clean dishes should smell like nothing?

The best public toilets ever, in my opinion, are ones located in libraries. Quiet, rarely frequented, and clean; if you have a choice, poop in the library every time.

I really hope a kid with one of those unicef boxes comes to the door this halloween, because I will force them to stand in my doorway while I find every penny I possess and cram them in there. I hate pennies.

This is often how I feel I come off when meeting interesting people.

I thought I saw Penn of Penn and Teller on the street, but it was just some dude with a ponytail.

If you really don't get it, put your head on the desk and think about puppies.

I would not have made a very good pioneer.

My new favourite hobby: using words/phrases that i absolutely cannot pull off.

I'm the type of person that those caution labels are made for.

Oh what?

beep boop

I just realized how hilariously adorable it is when rappers have the word "Lil" in their stage name.

I am sick of hearing the dumb words that come out of your stupid face.

I live in a sad cube of loneliness.

I have never licked my elbow, touched my nose with my tongue or touched the back of my head with my feet. This has only very slightly affected my life.

Do you know this girl? I hate this girl.

Nobody cares.

Pretentious modern art-lovers are the most hilarious thing ever. Seriously, if you ever find one, follow them around a museum.

beep beep beep

Seriously...I never look in a mirror, I walk around all day like this. Help a sista out...

I don't wanna see your stupid skinny arms.

walmart people are the coolest

What is wrong with high fives?!

Scary as shit

Nothing annoys me more than pseudo-psychological bullshit. Except perhaps a particularly uncomfortable bra.