I hope that the people in the home hardware commercials know how much I hate them.

Seriously, I know that it is just a job, but it does not lessen my hatred.

blargh

I raped that midterm so hard that it is in the shower somewhere scrubbing itself, but it will never feel clean again.

woooooOOOOOOooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo shut the fuck up!

Am I the only one under the impression that clean dishes should smell like nothing?

The best public toilets ever, in my opinion, are ones located in libraries. Quiet, rarely frequented, and clean; if you have a choice, poop in the library every time.

I really hope a kid with one of those unicef boxes comes to the door this halloween, because I will force them to stand in my doorway while I find every penny I possess and cram them in there. I hate pennies.

This is often how I feel I come off when meeting interesting people.

I thought I saw Penn of Penn and Teller on the street, but it was just some dude with a ponytail.

If you really don't get it, put your head on the desk and think about puppies.

I would not have made a very good pioneer.

My new favourite hobby: using words/phrases that i absolutely cannot pull off.

I'm the type of person that those caution labels are made for.

Oh what?

beep boop